Have you ever been invited to a French dinner party?
I will give you the insider tips to feel at ease during a French dinner! It is an understatement to say that the French food culture and the etiquette can be complex.
French people don’t necessarily realize it, but the eating protocol, the importance we give about food is quite intimidating sometimes for our beloved international friends.
Many times, I have invited foreign friends to eat with my family, for special occasions such as Christmas, birthday meal, or BBQ parties and they were not expecting the way French people were doing it.
Social gathering around a meal is very cultural, I felt the cultural shock around food culture when I was living abroad. And for me, this is one of the most exciting cultural discoveries! I loved experiencing an Argentinian or Brazilian BBQ, a Russian family dinner or a Catalonian calçotada!
You will soon understand that I LOVE food!!! I’m a gourmande as we say in French.
This is a word I never found an exact translation in English, as I feel the literal translation “greedy” is kind of negative. However, it is not in French. Many people can ever see being gourmande or gourmand as positive!
The UNESCO declared the French gastronomic meal as an intangible world heritage in 2010!
If you haven’t had the opportunity yet to participate in a French dinner party, you might be wondering what makes it so special.
I have detailed for you the extended layout of a French meal for special occasions. This applies to every special occasion meal and not only the gastronomic fancy ones. Get ready for a food marathon!
Aperitif (or apéro in colloquial language)
If you are already in France, for sure you have already had an apéro, I hope. This is a drink (usually alcoholic drink) people would have before their meal. It could be before lunch (usually taken on weekends but not only) or before dinner either at home or in bars and restaurants.
It is often taken with small snacks, more or less elaborated.
If the apéro is taken at home with guests, we usually have more elaborated snacks. A very simple one would be raw vegetable either cut in batons or small pieces in a homemade dip. It can also be canapé. Funny thing: French people do not use so much the word canapé, we tend to use the English word toast more often. The list of appetizers could be infinite.
If you are invited for an apéro, it usually means that there will be food…
…unless people specify that it is just for a drink.
It is always better to ask what you should bring, but a bottle of wine is always a good option. If you don’t want to risk buying a bottle of wine for a French person, a bottle of beer or even a good quality juice and small snacks will be fine. If it were a formal dinner party, I would recommend wine, flowers or chocolates, or anything specific from your country.
If you know the aperitif is not followed by an actual dinner, meaning you have been invited for an apéro and not for dinner, the snacks that are laid out are usually the food people will have the entire evening.
If you have been invited for dinner, it always starts with an aperitif. Don’t eat too much, because it is just the beginning!
Many years ago an Argentinian friend of mine was doing a European tour. She spent a few days at my parents’ place in Lyon. We had a nice dinner and because I didn’t think of explaining her the way the dinner would go, they were almost full by the end of the aperitif!!!
Once aperitif is over, the host usually invites to move to the dinner table.
A French meal is composed of several dishes but to differ from many other countries, these dishes are always laid out one after the other. So you do have to manage your appetite if you want to make it to the desert!
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The first course is usually light, often a salad. There can be several starters such as a salad with a quiche, or paté.
In France, the salad can be only lettuce with vinaigrette sauce! A Russian friend of mine once has told me that he was shocked the first time he was served lettuce in France. For him, lettuce alone was rabbit food!!!
A small wine lover tip: it is not so common to have wine with a salad containing vinaigrette. As its name stands; it contains vinegar that does not go well with the wine. In any case, many French people will still have wine anyway if they feel like it.
Then your host would take out the first-course dish to bring the main course. If this is a fancy dinner, the plates can even be changed for each course.
The main course is usually meat or fish served with vegetables and/or carbohydrate. We do not have more than one carbohydrate in the plate (such as rice and pasta or rice and potatoes, as some countries would have). However, bread will always be served with the food.
Vegetarian dishes are not so common and are not part of French food culture. However, there are more and more vegetarians and therefore vegetarian restaurant options in big cities.
French food is regional; therefore, there is no national French dish. For example, the crepes are from Brittany, and the quiche is from Lorraine in the northeast of France.
I’m not myself a wine expert, but for sure I appreciate it!
As well as food, wine is a regional topic in France, considering almost every region produces its wine. The regional food matches pretty well the local wines. Many French people tend to drink mainly their regional wine and sometimes from other French regions. Foreign wines are slowly entering the French market, but it is not a French habit to have the curiosity to try wine from overseas.
I was 23 years old when I tried foreign wine for the first time! At the time I was living in Argentina! Imagine!
Yes, cheese is considered as a dish and an actual part of a French meal! Again, cheeses are regional too! The famous Camembert is from Normandy for example.
There are about 30 cheeses that you will be able to find everywhere in France, and the rest are only local. I guess you are wondering how many French kinds of cheese there is! Well, there is no set number but it is somewhere around 250 to 350 different types of cheese. Some people say that there is one different cheese per day of the year!
Cheese is always eaten with bread. It is a common phrase to hear as a child that cheese should be eaten with bread and not alone. The same way children would be told to finish their plates or stay at the table until they are told they can go.
There is also an eating etiquette for the cheese. I advise you, to observe first how French people cut and eat their cheese and try to do the same. Some French people will not care how you cut it; others will comment and tease.
Different types of cheese have different ways of being cut. So it is hard to go into details, but the main rule is to cut it in a way that you will not leave the crust to the last one. So for example, the Roquefort should be cut vertically and not horizontally, and the Brie point should not be cut.
French people usually end their meal with a sweet note, even for everyday meals. A simple dessert would be having a fruit or yoghurt. Cakes and pastries are a treat. French people do not eat pastries every day (at least most of them) even though the bakeries are field with delicacies.
You would think the menu is over, but there are still two (and a half) steps to go for a full French meal! For most French people it wouldn’t be complete without…
Having an espresso especially after a big meal is a must-have for many people, including myself! When we say coffee, we usually mean espresso. If you would like a long coffee (Americano style), you should always specify.
When eating out, if you don’t like the strong espresso or the alternative coffee with milk, it can be a challenge to find other types of coffees. Before coffee chains arrived in France early 2000s, it was not common to find Macchiatos or a Mochaccinos.
And last but not least…
After-dinner liquor (le digestif)
This one is really for special occasions, 3 hours or more lasting meals! We start with alcohol, so we have to finish it with alcohol too!
Careful, we drink specific alcohol, only the liquor type. Cognac is a famous one or brandy. We wouldn’t have a cognac for the aperitif or a glass of wine after the coffee. I wouldn’t be able to tell you why let’s put it on tradition.
The French way of eating is full of protocols and rules that can be confusing, some would say that it prevents creativity, and maybe it does. But it is still very good.
There is half a step missing… this one is usually spread along the main course as special occasions meal can last hours… shots of brandy (called eau-de-vie) can be offered. We call this habit of drink brandy during the meal “Faire un trou Normand”, the traditional one should be with Calva (short for Calvados in Normandy) a 40° or more apple brandy.
If you have survived this everlasting meal with French speakers, congratulation!
I hope this article prepares you to your first invitation by French people. If you have any questions or anecdotes, please share in the comments.